I am not talking about physical objects. I'm talking about owning who you are. In the biz, we talk a lot about project ownership. It basically means that you take responsibility for keeping the project on track, on budget, and having a personal investment in its success or failure. It also means dealing with failures in those above things and taking responsibility for fixing them.
I realized recently that I have been failing miserably at owning my life, who I am, and who God created me to be.
I'll be the first to admit that I'm an odd one. I have a deep southern drawl and a clipped Montana/North Dakota accent (regardless of the fact that I have lived in that area less than 6 months of my entire life) and frequently switch between the two in the same sentance. Then later in the same week, I will be accused of having no accent at all. I hate to shop, but if I can drag someone willing or unwilling, as the case may be, I'm all for it. I hate buying new shoes, but regularly drool over them.
As most of you who regularly read are aware, we went to North Dakota and Montana this summer for a long overdue vacation. At times, there was no tv, no internet, and no phone. Perfectly fine with me. It was time for reflection and peacefulness. Well, as much as you can get with your 3 year old around. But I did catch those moments. And in those moments, I discovered a few things in addition to what I already know and do:
1. I can be myself. I don't always have to be the stressed-out, take on the world, overachieving mom and geologist.
2. I still know how to really laugh.
3. I can still take on the world.
4. I am a cowgirl deep in my soul. I have spent a lot of time denying that part of myself because I was afraid of being labeled as a drugstore cowgirl (since I grew up in the 'burbs), but truth be told, its there. I just had to release it. But don't look for me in full on western dress any time soon. Its a mindset more than anything, and the gear to go with it only happens if its super-cute and I can't resist.
5. That part of me CAN happily exist with the professional geologist, who occasionally has to wear suits to work and probably should more often. Currently, I spend most of the work week in jeans. I do need to professionalize for the office.
6. I have to do things for me. While I get wonderful pleasure doing things for my son and spending time with him. I have to stop and enjoy my life too. After all, even as a mother, you have to live for yourself.
And finally, I have figured out that I will be loved no matter who I am or what I do by my family and God. Sometimes, I think that is the hardest thing to figure out. And all these things, my friends, are what I am going to own from this point on..
A rare picture of me!